I have eyes, but cannot see. I need to reach the character minimum

This tool will do some damage to your nuts if thrown at them. Otherwise, they’re the right tool for the job, no pain involved. Righty righty, lefty loosey

Its first half sounds like a bloodthirsty insect. Its second half sounds like a broken clock. Combined, it is a bloody waste of time.

I can be black or blue without being beaten. I can be salmon without being fishy. I can be straw without being dry. I can be elder without being older. I can be a goose without feathers. I can be a choke without being violent. I can be a rasp without making a sound. I can be a snozz... Wait - snozz? Who ever heard of a snozz? Oh right - Roald Dahl.

Teeny tiny explosions going off within my microwave