I carry disease and mail alike, I cannot ride a bike. I hunger for trash and bread to bite, I'll steal your lunch with might. I'll hover above your fancy ride, and paint it China-white. And even though I am just as bright, I'm not a passerine.

You type-meet, I say-meat. You want- cool, I shout-coot! I’ll fix your words ‘til nothing makes sense, then blame you for the offense.

I am a creature of the night, atruly fright'ning sight, I prowl the woods in search of prey, But when night turns to day, I shrink in size and lose my hair! And no, I don't use Nair.

face like a tree, skin like the sea, a great beast I be, yet vermin frighten me.

While my size is not standard, I’m used as a scale. I grow in the sun, though my flesh is quite pale Don’t open my hint, I’ll freely unlock it Are you happy to see me, or am I in your pocket?