I have a button but I am not a shirt. I live by the door but I never go inside. Visitors push me to announce they have arrived.

Captain's day Network's record Lead in to arithm How a lumberjack rolls

I report great triumphs and dramatic woes, then get folded into props for schoolhouse shows.

It was two in the morning when my eyes stopped on a man who stepped out of a bar in a ..., he was inebriated. His short steps and his sideward rocking movements gave it away in an instant. Then, I walked home, satisfied with my night of studying.

What do you do when ink soaks through a magazine, when the law is on your trail, when your nose won’t stop dripping, and when you want to become mayor?