A tool for opening crates and yet also a powerful weapon to fend of some pirates

I tend to be a wild card I might make you laugh very hard My archival wears a disguise Sometimes he’s a man but Sometimes he flies

Common in sports, it’s usually round. You can kick it and throw it or toss it around. They make ones for stress that you can squeeze. And another word for a certain kind is testes.

I'm selling my car. It's in excellent condition, and it has really low miles because it was only driven from time to time. What kind of car am I selling?

I’m so excited bout this riddle that I’ve soiled myself